If you’re anything like me, you’ve probably tried every diet known to man with a list of do’s and don’ts that are longer than your arm. Let’s face it, there’s never a shortage of diets, and every diet claims to have the magic bullet that’s going to melt those pounds right off your body. Yeah, right!
Starches, no starches, grains, no grains, fruits, no fruit, small portions, huge portions, fats, no fats, nuts, no nuts, lots of soy, no soy. Wheee! It’s enough to have your head spinning like a top. So, what’s a girl to do?
I admit I’m a perpetual dieter. I have about twenty pounds I’d like to get rid of, but I swear, the after forty-five syndrome and wonky hormones have conspired against me. And as if that wasn’t bad enough, even the dry cleaner is in on it. He shrunk my clothes. Same thing happened to one of my friends, so she changed her service provider. And don’t even get me started on weighing yourself on the scale. Those bastards are out to get you too. I swear; it’s a conspiracy!
I even tried a new diet for vegetarians. Did exactly what she suggested. Cut out the wrong grains, wrong veggies, and I paid $47 for that one. What happened at the end of the month? I gained two pounds.
The fact of the matter is that I’ve always eaten healthy. I’m a pesceterian—that’s a vegetarian who eats fish. My diet consists of lots of good carbs, with an occasional pasta and potatoes. But I could eat pasta seven days a week if I had to. But do you think they’d come up with a pasta diet to help you lose weight? No, that’s just too darned good to eat. Same thing with what I call ‘rip-your-gums Italian bread.
Okay, so I ramped up my exercise to six days a week. Yeah, I can hear you saying, she’s probably doing the wrong exercises, or maybe she’s doing the same exercise, or maybe she's not doing it long enough. Well, let me tell you. I rotate my exercises. Power walking with hand-held weights that weigh 1.5 pounds in each hand, and I walk 2, 3 and 4 miles. I do Zumba, and a toning workout, and the duration of all my workouts run between 30 to 45 minutes. Okay, so I don’t have a lot of fat on my body, but I just want the freakin’ number to go down on the scale so I can look svelte again. Those pounds are clingy things.
In reviewing all the diets I’ve been on, the one thing I’ve found over the last decade with all them is the only similarity is drinking lots of water. That seems to be the only truism, but the rest of their claims are pretty questionable.
Yet, I fall for every gimmick out there. That is except for the diets that give you a thirty-day free trial and all you have to pay for is the shipping and handling. But you need to read the fine print because it says if they don't hear from you within the allotted time frame, baby, you're gonna be charged $69 for the rest of your life.
I even tried the Paleo Diet, slightly similar to the Atkins Diet but it allows more vegetables and fruits. I was following it to a’ T’, but do you think I lost? Zero, zilch—not a freakin’ ounce. I don’t know if it was the fact that I don’t eat meat that causing my problem, but you’d think that eating tofu and fish would suffice. Sigh
Paleo claims to be good for whatever ails you, but so does every other diet, which boasts remedies for just about every disease imaginable. Despite my disappointment, I promised our son I’d try it for a month and so I did live up to my part of the bargain because that’s who I am. So did I ultimately lose weight? Nope. I stayed the same weight.
I was talking to a friend yesterday who told me about another new diet—or at least its relatively new in the US. It’s called the Dukan Diet and their secret is Oat Bran. It seems the grain expands in your stomach when you drink and keeps you feeling full longer. I don’t know, is that a good thing? I guess it’s better than taking a diet pill. My doctor said, be careful with Oat Bran. Oh gee, another rule.
And then there’s Sensa© that you supposedly sprinkle on food. Hey, it’s all the rage in Hollywood. So they said. Of course, I don’t know who they are because. I read up on it and some people complained about feeling nauseous. That doesn’t sound like my cup of tea. Fact is, I’m not looking for an easy way out. I’m just looking for a diet that works for a gal over forty-five.
Is that asking for too much?